A look at the CDC’s “Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse”

So, the CDC is commenting on  zombies. How…socially conscious of   them. It seems that even the smartypants  in the ridiculously expensive   lab coats are taking notice of pop culture  topics, like the undead who   think that brains are a delectable meal choice. I  appreciate the fact   that the blogger is totally trying to justify the article  by explaining   the different ways we could end up with zombies, all of which  sound   frighteningly plausible.

My husband went camping with  some friends, of questionable information resources, over the holiday weekend.  He   returned, and told me that the “true definition” of the word zombie is    “hungry person”. I have thus far been unable to locate this definition in print, so I can’t speak to the validity of it; however he did have a good  explanation. Imagine you haven’t eaten for days, due to some   disaster or war.  You’re very nearly starved to death, and some jackass   decides to put a T-bone  steak near you. In the early stages of hunger,   you would probably dash to it,  and wolf the thing down. However, when   you’ve come to the point of near death,  you would likely only be able   to shamble over to it, groaning incoherently.

Creepy, right? And  plausible. My favorite combo.

Most   of the advice they  offer for preparation is solid, though they leave   out a few key pieces to  remember. Firstly, if you have non-perishable   foods that come in a tin can,  don’t forget the can opener. Although   points for including a towel on the list.  Also, some form of protection   would be smart, since you’ll need to keep  yourself and your family   safe from ravenous undead flesh-nommers. Shotguns and  flame throwers   are my personal preference, given their wide spray of  destruction, and   the fact that they’re ranged weapons. Distance is good in this  case.

As   far as their  communications tips are concerned, I think they don’t   focus enough on one  particular piece. It says that you should contact   someone out of state.  Seriously, people, do this. If there is a large   scale disaster, and communications  aren’t completely destroyed, you   won’t be able to call anyone inside the state.  Everyone else will be   trying the same thing, and overloading the phone lines.  Instead, have   an arranged person outside the state that you would call in case  of an   emergency. Let your family and friends know who that person is so that    they can call them too, and keep everyone apprised of safety.

And   as a personal plug,  unless you’re bleeding, and you can’t stop it   yourself, or you’re about to die,  or something is on fire, don’t call   911. Everyone else is going to call and say  “OMG, ZOMBIES ARE TAKING   OVER THE WORLD, WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!” or whatever  the emergency is.   You don’t need to tell them, too. They know. And the more  people that   call, the worse the wait times get, and if you or someone else has  a real   emergency, it could mean the difference between life or death.  Plus,   if you live in an area that doesn’t have the most stable emergency    communications phone lines, the high volume of calls could crash the   system,  and no one will get help. In short, don’t call unless you’re   dying.

Overall, the CDC blogger did  a good job hitting all the high   points, both zombie related, and survival  related. While I’m pretty   sure the article was written mostly to get people to  get involved in   their own survival kits, it’s fun, and deserves a thumbs-up.

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